just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
