Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I would ride that face into the sunset
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
