Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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