loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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