dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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