I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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