you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
