i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
