Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
