party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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