im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
