Fuck appropriateness.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
