once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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