if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
