I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
