You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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