I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
