highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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