PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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