I CAN MOONWALK!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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