True but thats because hes a fetus.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
