His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
