she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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