Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
