Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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