Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
