I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
