The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
