It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
