I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
