It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
