I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
