hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
