he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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