It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
