I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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