True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you will always have a special place in my vag
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
