My liver just broke up with me...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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