Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
