dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
