Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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