I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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