If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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