i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
