how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
