I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
