my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
