1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
