i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sobbing to NWA
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
