Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
