so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
