Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
