I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
