goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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