At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
