I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
